It's weird to be me. i am not fully Taiwanese and definitely not American. i can't write chinese, and I can't sing american children's songs. i have always been stuck straddling two continents. Not quite one thing, and not good enough to be another. Why am I writing this? People who know me knows I am not a cry baby by nature. but having a baby has stirred something in me that I can not quite explain. I came to America at 8 years-old. A chubby Taiwanese boy who loved to eat. i was picked on and beaten up, simple because i was different. will my daughter be treated the same way? The thoughts of this terrifies me. She could be treated differently by people simply because she looks different, will being chinese/taiwanese and Scotish/irish be a curse or a blessing?
What about me how will I be as a father? Will I fail and succeed just like my father? I look in the mirror and see so many flaws inside and out. will my daughter see them? will she still love her dad and respect him despite them?
It's funny that I try to tell my wife to look at the good in life and also the youth (high school kids I help with at church). i tell her to be positive and to live in the moment. Do I do that myself?? To be honest I don't think I do. I worry about everything and everyone. where does God fit in all of this chaos...
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2 comments:
I am so glad that you started a blog too! I think that in this crazy time of having a new baby and buying a house it helps us remember who we married! Love you babe :)
I appreciate your insight, as well as the insecurities about raising a baby. Its all hard, but that is why we all have each other.=). BTW, your wife is AWESOME! And now she is a mom, so does she have a boot?
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